open note to everyone reading my blog. jsyk, I neither read nor write slash anymore, so if that's why you're friends with me... feel free to delete, i guess.

In this post I will be posting download links for my fansite.




I will not be posting download links to Whisper War, The Lady Luck EP, or any other studio albums/EPs they release here, as I feel you should go out and buy it and support the band. However, here I will be posting download links to interviews, live versions of songs, videos (not official videos that can be bought), demos, and to the Glitz and Glamour EP (which can only be heard this way. The EP was pressed by the band themselves and very few physical copies of it exist).


Singer's Tweetmic Posts

I'll Be [A Capella Cover]
Fly Me To The Moon [A Capella Cover]

The Drunk Love EP [Demos]

2006



1)You Can't Be Arrested for Being High On Heels
2) Lies, Lust, and Lingerie
3) I'll Run [Demo Version]
4) Take My Hand [Demo Version]




Keep an eye on this page over the next couple of weeks for updates :)

I meant to post this awhile ago...
All my entries from this point on (or actually from awhile ago on) are friend-locked.
:)
I'll friend~ most people, though.
This is kinda just to prevent a few certain people from reading my lj, tbh.

My dream is to never have to live in one place.

Sure, I'd like to have an apartment somewhere to come home to eventually, but for short periods of time.
I hate being grounded in one place.

My dream is to spend my life in a van with a bunch of guys, playing music and having fun.

My dream is to see everything I possibly can. I want to see everywhere in the world that I can.

If it were possible, this would be how I would spend my entire life.

Even if I'm not in a band, I'd love to work for one and tour with one.

I would do anything to make it happen.

This being brought on by my friend being a douche to her boyfriend and telling him his dreams are unrealistic.

ugh.

Inspiration.

Singer's got me thinking about this a lot lately.
Things that inspire me. Things that make me want to change the world. Things that give me hope.

And when I made my list of those things... Singer wound up on the top of that list.
He is my inspiration. He makes me want to be a better person.

And from there, I branched my list off into this... My Top Five Things I've Learned from Singer.

1. It's not about doing everything on your own, it's about doing your little part to help change the world.

2. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect. Everyone. Even me. Especially me, maybe.

3. You don't have to be afraid to ask for a helping hand. Sometimes that one hand can pull you back out of a hole you thought you'd never get out of.

4. There's always light on the horizon. Sometimes it just might be a little harder to see it.

5. Everything is worth experiencing once, even the bad things.

It's kind of strange to sit here writing this.
I am sixteen.
I've seen things that most people will die without seeing, both good and bad.

I've done stupid things, but I haven't done anything that I regret. I refuse to live with regrets. Every single thing I've done in my life has helped to make me the person I am today.
I'm not saying I'm an amazing person... far from it.
I've hurt people. I've made people cry. I've manipulated people. I'm far from a saint.
Despite that...
I'm happy with where I am in life right now.
God knows I am far, far from perfect.
My hair never does what I want it to, I have acne, I'm overweight.
I am far from the ideal person physically, but for once, I'm comfortable in my own skin.

As a person though, I'm pretty happy with myself, too.
I'm finally to a point where I've been able to be happy without medication.
It's going on four months now of me not cutting or burning myself.
It's been awhile since I've even wanted to.
I'm proud of myself, and that's not something I'm used to feeling.

Once upon a time, before I had the friends that I have now, I started listening to a band called Fall Out Boy.
This band spoke to me more than I've ever quite been able to put into words.
The things Pete Wentz said and wrote over the years helped me more than I'm sure I'll ever be able to say.
He and his band made me realize that it was okay to feel like I did, and gave me something to believe in and hold onto when I had nothing else.
They saved my life. I don't care how cliche or stupid that sounds.
They are why I am alive today.

But still, I was depressed, and a bit self destructive... maybe a bit fucked in the head.
I told Britt and Amanda that I was okay, but I really wasn't...
I really don't remember the last time, before lately, that I said I was okay and really actually was.

But one day Britt showed me part of an entry from Singer's blog, and it made my heart hurt... the one about him and his little sister. She said his whole blog was just... absolutely beautiful like that, so I went and read it.

I read all the entries, and I took everything he said to heart.
And over the next few days, I went back and re-read the whole blog again and again.

The more I thought about the things he was saying, the more it made sense.
I stayed up at night thinking about the things.
I started to apply the things I had been thinking and reading to my life.

I had been on the verge of letting my life go downhill... again, and because of this guy, I pulled myself back.

Things seem a lot more sunny and 75 in my head, somehow.
My friends have been pointing out changes in my attitude and behaviour that I didn't even notice.
It feels strange to be... better, but it feels amazing.

The entry of his blog that talks about Take My Hand is the one that means the most to me, and that song is even more meaningful because of it. That's the song I listen to whenever I start feeling down, and it makes me feel... indescribable.

He inspires me to be a better person.
He inspired me to start doing volunteer work again.
He made me realize the power a smile can have.
He made me realize how much better I deserve than what I was settling for.
He made me want to help people.
He inspired me to want to make music again.

Because of him, I'm not giving up on my dreams.
I came pretty close to it.

He changed my life.
In a way, he kinda saved my life.

I owe him the world.

In twelve days, on June 30th, I'm hoping I get the chance to thank him in person.
I'm currently working on draft seven [!!!] of the letter I'm giving him with the two other things I have to give him.
(Edit: Since I first posted this... I have drafted this letter two more times. Why is nothing I write ever good enough?)
I wish I could get the words right, but I don't seem to be able to.
I know I need to write it out thought... I know I could never say these things without choking on my words.

I'm thinking I should end this, it's gotten pretty long winded...



Thanks, Deleon.

♥

SO. My epic plan for this summer is planned out entirely now.

So, June 30th, we pick Bree up from the airport in the morning. We go wait outside all day to see The Cab. We see The Cab. We wait around a couple hours after. We go to the motel room. We sleep. We head home really early in the morning. We get to the closest town to me that has a Greyhound station. The bus leaves at like 10:20 AM or something. We get on the bus. We ride to Milwaukee. We walk a mile to the Summerfest grounds from the Greyhound station. We wait around for a few hours to see The Cab. We see them play again. Wait around til about 10:30 PM or so. Walk a mile back to the Greyhound station. Board the Greyhound back to the town by me at around 12:35 AM. We get back here... really really early in the morning. We go back to my place. We sleep. We do... whatever else the rest of the time she's here. July 11th, we leave early in the morning to go to Minneapolis to see Green Day. Wait outside. See them. Go to the motel. Sleep. Bree boards plane in morning. Mom and I go home.

And then August 18th, we leave early in the morning for Minneapolis again... to go see blink-182, Fall Out Boy and Panic at the Disco. Amanda will be with me this time, hopefully. We will get there and sit and wait all day, see them, go to the motel, sleep, then head home.

It seems simple, but this plan has been a loooooooooong time in the making.

Today has been one of those days where everything's going amazing when I'm talking to someone. I'm happy and smiling and laughing.

And then I'm alone or not talking to anyone and I feel... empty and lonely and sad.

I don't know if that's normal or not. I'm usually so much happier by myself than talking to anyone else or around anyone else [except Britt]. I don't know... but, whatever, I guess. I guess it's just good that I'm not thinking the things I used to be thinking when I was left alone with my own thoughts. Right now I'm just wishing that I was with a friend.

It's 12:07 AM right now, but I can't seem to bring myself to go to bed.

Tigger is sitting on the table next to my bed. Honestly, I'm thinking I'm going to go talk to Tigger before I go to bed. It's stupid and lame, I know, but... symbolically, there's no one else I'd rather spill my feelings to [not Tigger, but...].

I'm in a weird mood right now. I'm sad and lonely and down, but I'm not any of them to a dangerous level. It's a nice change, yet kind of odd. I want to go sit in my bedroom and listen to music and talk to that damn stuffed animal.

Maybe that should be part of the letter that's going with Tigger. "He's been keeping me company the last couple of months. I've told him how I've been feeling, and it's helped. I hope he keeps you company when you're lonely and at least gives you a little smile."

Probably not, because I suck and I know it sounds stupid, but...

I don't know. For some reason, I'm thinking deciding to blog was a bad idea. I'm having one of those weird waves of emotions right now where you're crying and you feel sad but you don't really know why.

But... I dunno. I'm wondering if tying this out might help? I don't even know.

I don't know what's up with me lately.

I am a lot happier, and I feel a lot better. But somehow, I feel as if, in letting my guard down and letting myself just feel... everything, I've opened a big door for emotions I haven't felt so raw and purely in years.

It's weird... for the longest time, the only emotions that I ever seemed to feel were extreme, overwhelming, overpowering depression and blinding, ruthless, harmful anger. A few bursting moments of happiness and joy here and there, but very short-lived. I never let my guard down around anyone except Britt... sometimes Josh and sometimes Amanda.

And now... I feel happy and sad and angry and shy and lonely and... just everything. Sometimes all at once. But it's like my emotions are changing at the proper times, instead of me just getting pissed off as fuck at the tiniest things, and my mood changes giving people whiplash.

It's pretty strange.

I'm just not making a ton of sense right now, so I'm going to go to bed.

I am going to curl up in my bed and listen to The Cab's Glitz and Glamour EP all night. And talk to Tigger. Because I can.

If you only knew.
♥

-Rit

In addition to the amazingness that is everything that is Brittmuffin...

I have another absolutely wonderful, insane friend named Bree. Bree is my ex girlfriend, but still one of my bestest friends in the world. We've been friends for going on six years now, and I love her to pieces.

SHE IS FUCKING OUT OF HER MIND.

She's spending close to $900 on a plane ticket and flying eight hours... to come see The Cab with me because I had no one to go with.

Perspective: She is spending $900, flying eight hours, and taking two weeks off work to come spend time with me. My dad lives a tiny bit closer to me and will not fly to see me for even a few days.

Slightly sad, but...
<33

Wish Britt could have come this summer... but next summer, I'm going up by her!! :D I'm already planning... 0:-)

My plan for when Bree is here:
June 30th - Airport, pick her up. Go to Triple Rock and wait outside all day, see The Cab, wait outside a few more hours... go back to motel room... [don't be a perv, mom's gunna be there too]
July 1st - Head home, see Matt, introduce Matt and Bree
*Not sure what else here*
July 4th - Take Bree with me to the fireworks over the lake, I think... possibly meet Amanda there. [This is also the day Britt sees her future boyfriend again, ftw!]
Sometime in here we're also going to go horseback riding... eek, I'm scared!
Also sometime in here, we need to go shopping with Amanda.
July 11th - See Green Day in Minneapolis!!
July 12th - :( Bree flies home.

I had a whole ton of other ideas of what we can do but I don't know for sure yet... sigh.

And now since I have run out of things to say on that subject, I will now go into my ideal plan for next summer.

-Must somehow convince The Cab to do another tour next summer!
-Go up to Toronto, hang out with Britt for as long as I can... see The Cab
-Haul her ass down here with me :D
-See The Cab in Minneapolis, Milwaukee, Chicago, and Detroit. Whichever order they are in. We will take Greyhounds.
-Take her to the Mall of America!!!
-...Shit there's not a lot of interesting stuff to do around here...
-:D Enjoy the shit out of my time with my bff.

Sigh.
Dear The Cab,
PLEASE tour next summer. We will bring candy for all of you. We will even hunt down one of those Tigger-shaped lollipops for Singer.
Tempting, yes?

Anyway.
I'm rambling again.
haha I think Brittmuffin's the only one who reads this anyway, so...
Whatever, she's used to my rambling.

Well, okay, it is, but not like ~~omg srs bsns~~

No.

THIS IS ME BEING SPAZZY BECAUSE SINGER'S TIGGER CAME :]]]]]

( STOP. Picture time. )

EDIT//
Warning, huge picture is huge

Some days make it harder to stay positive than others.

Today wasn't awful, just long and kind of a pain in the ass. It was boring.

I am currently on my last mandatory day of isolation. I might go to the store tomorrow... I'm getting cabin fever so bad!!

All together, though, today has just been one of those days when I get really down about how... alone I am. I adore the shit out of the friends I have, but today has been one of those days where I can definitely see how having more friends might be a big help.

Honestly, even seeing Amanda today just upset me. I feel like I'm being pulled away from my friends because they're all falling into the mold of what we're supposed to be doing at this stage of our lives.

I feel like most of them have already had the whole "teenage" stage where all they care about and worry about is getting to be with their friends. I've spent the majority of my teenage life worrying about the future and being depressed as fuck. Now that I actually want to be around my friends, all of them are holding onto jobs and just... have no time for me.

I don't know what to think about it. I want to get a job, but I want to enjoy my teenage years, first. I haven't yet.

Honestly, I don't know how to go about enjoying my life. I don't enjoy being around my friends that much, especially now, because they're all so... reserved. They barely let go at all even when it's just us. I need to be able to let loose and just... have fun.

I can't do that with them. Honestly, the only times I can do that are when I'm at shows. I almost hate going to shows with them because none of them understand.

To them, concerts are just... fun, they like hearing the music, watching the bands. I love that too... but to me, it's so much more than that.

They're too shy to talk to people at shows, and I love making new friends there. I don't really have any friends where I live who are into the same types of things as me. My friends, some of them anyway, listen to the same music, but to them it's just... fun music to listen to. They like the peoples' voices.

None of them relate to music on the emotional level that I do, or at least not this type of music. My one friend relates to music on the same level I do, but she relates to the emotion of... like, classical music and music played on instruments and things like in marching band, not like this.

It kind of sucks. I hate not being able to tell anyone anything because they think I'm weird or that it's funny or that I'm kidding when I say some of the things I do about how music makes me feel.

Britt is really the only one I can talk to about things like this. Britt is the only friend I have that I can go to with any problem and she won't judge me or laugh at me [unless it really is funny, in which case I'm usually laughing at myself anyway]. She gets me like no one else does.
I've never had a friend like that before.

I'd pretty much give anything to live up by her and be able to be with her even one percent of the time I wish I was.

Whenever I'm sad or angry or even happy I just want to be around her. I need her like I've never needed anyone else before.

It's weird. She's my best friend in the whole world, and I find myself sad when I can't talk to her. Or when there were days I didn't get to talk to her at all, I'd just be depressed all day because she's the high point of my day.

And... if you're reading this, ily bby. :]

Though if you are, it's kind of awkward but... well, with us, when the fuck has awkwardness ever even happened? LOL Kira/Singer. ;D

But all joking aside.
I'm one lucky fucker to have a friend like her.
I don't know what I did to deserve her.
I'm just terrified to lose her.
I love the shit out of her.
She's like, my [platonic, obvi] soul-mate.
She can finish my sentences.
She knows what I'm thinking all the time.
She's the most amazing person in the whole world.
I'd trade everything I have in the world to be able to be with her, especially right now.
I'm crying typing this, wtf emotions.

I think I should go to bed.

It's 11:09.

Two minutes until 11:11.

It's kind of ridiculous.

Every 11:11 I either wish for ... well, Britt knows, I think... or could imagine...actually a non-dirty one...so I think she could figure it out...

Or I wish that I could be in Brampton with her, because I think I'd be a ton happier if I was by her.

11:10.

I always catch the clock, it's...

11:11